


[Complete] You’ve Gotta be Kidding Me! (Ha, Get it?)

by MeltyMetroid



Series: Ribbonissa Shorts [1]
Category: ARMS (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, pretty stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-28 18:55:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15055571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeltyMetroid/pseuds/MeltyMetroid
Summary: When Dr. Coyle accidentally causes everyone but Brass to return to their childhood selves, it's up to Max to take care of everyone while a cure is found.Yeah, it's that one episode of Futurama, but with the ARMS cast. Enjoy!





	1. Childish Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by/loosely based on this tweet and artwork:  
> https://twitter.com/yayan_go/status/1011226561830313985
> 
> This is part of a sub-series I'm doing which features stupider stories that don't fit into the continuity of sorts my main series has. Some relationships, events, and character alterations are carried over from that series into this sub-series, but for the most part this particular fic is very standalone.

Brass awoke in his big fancy bed to a phone call coming from his nightstand. The morning sun filled the room with a soft light as the birds outside chirped happily - today was gearing up to be an excellent day, there was no doubt about that! So who could be calling him?

...Ah, well, it was a nice thought while it lasted.

With a deep sigh, Brass flipped open his phone to await the voice of the woman who’s name on the caller ID was prefaced with ‘WARNING:’.

“Wassup, dummy.” Coyle chimed rather quickly in a rather childish way. “You busy? Ah, well, I don’t really care if you are. Cancel it.” Her voice sounded oddly  _ softer _ than usual. But unintentionally so - there was little chance she was  _ trying _ to sound this way. “Look, I need ya at the ARMS Lab pronto.”

“W-Why?” He gruffed back.

“Ugh! I’ll explain later.  _ God. _ ” She groaned. “Just get over here, okay? You’ll need to let me know it’s you before I open the door, by the way. So say... Uhh...”

A squeaky voice could be heard from behind her. “Make him say ‘I pee peed my pants!’” A chorus of laughter followed from several other voices nearby.

Coyle snickered. “Alright, yeah, say that. Get here soon, dummy! Counting on you.”

With that, Coyle hung up the call and Brass was left in the dark. He didn’t really like the idea of having to deal with her and whatever she had gotten herself into today, but it was hard to turn her down when she was outright asking for his help. At least, that’s how it seemed? He hoped dearly it wasn’t just a trap to try a new experimental Hedlok on him.

Brass begrudgingly made his way to the ARMS Lab, prepared for just about anything. When he arrived he asked to be pointed in Coyle’s direction, and oddly enough found that she had hold herself up on the lower floor - sectioning off the entire basement without  _ anyone _ else allowed down. Not without ‘the password’. Hm. Even more concerning was that Coyle apparently instructed her staff via a phone call. No one had actually  _ seen _ her since that morning.

Well, what’s the worst that could happen? Brass went down the stairwell and knocked on the door heartily. “Coyle? It’s me.”

“Who?” Came a rather bored voice from behind the door. It wasn’t just the phone connection - Coyle’s voice was  _ definitely _ different now. Less roughness to it.

“It’s me - Brass!” He grunted. “You asked me to come here!”

“What’s the password?” Some snickering could be heard around her.

“...Seriously?”

“I ain’t lettin’ ya in ‘less you know the password.”

Brass was at a loss for words. She wasn’t usually this...  _ Childish. _ Was she trying to impress whatever company she had around? Ugh. Fine, whatever... “ _ I pee peed my pants. _ ” Brass sighed defeatedly.

A chorus of laughter came from behind the door as the lock clicked undone. Brass opened the door, mentally preparing himself for whatever Coyle could potentially throw his way. Some kind of new and horrifying robotic creation? A  _ Brass-tron, _ possibly? Springtron always did seem like something of a stepping stone to a mechanical Max. Or maybe it’s some new form of Helix, stronger and more dangerous, possibly with some sort of poison-imbued goo? There were many options, but whatever it was it probably-

Brass hung his mouth open, his eyes wide, frozen in place as he gazed at the contents of the room. Several children were scattered around - some of them pre-teens, some toddlers, and even one outright newborn. And each of them was dressed to mimic an ARMS fighter in the League. Why...?

“You just gonna stare or wha?” A teen girl dressed as Coyle chimed from beside the door.

Brass turned to face her. “Wh... Where’s Coyle?”

“Ugh, seriously? How stupid  _ are _ you?” She glared, her golden ARMS folded. Come to think of it, every child here had ARMS. Well, all except the newborn. “I  _ am _ Coyle, you idiot. You’re lookin’ at the whole damn league here.”

“That’s...” He didn’t quite know how to process this. “That’s impossible! Just what the hell happened?”

Coyle sighed. “This morning I was-  _ PUT HIM DOWN! _ ” She suddenly shouted, jolting her head to face the seven-or-so year old Spring Man, who was about to put Helix - who was now just a tiny blob with a goofy face - into his mouth.

Spring Man quietly dropped Helix and waddled away.

“Ugh. Okay, yeah, so... This morning I had, like, a weirdly bad back spasm. Figured I was gettin’ old or something, so I invented a spray that’d reverse my aging a lil bit. Figured going back to 30 or so wouldn’t hurt.” She motioned to a large vat in the corner, which had a crack running down the side. “I was about to test it when the entire damn League busts in. Apparently I missed a meeting or something and they wanted to address some Hedlok stuff with me. Buncha crybabies.”

In the corner of the room, a tiny Kid Cobra waddled over to a tiny Min Min and attempted to steal the pretty ribbon she was holding. Min Min replied by smacking him, causing him to fall backwards onto his butt, making him burst into tears instantly.

“...I wish that wasn’t so  _ literal _ now, but whatever.” She sighed. “Anyways, I guess Ninjara had it in his head or somethin’ that the great big gas boiler in the corner was somehow a Hedlok building machine or something stupid like that, ‘cause he immediately swung a big punch at it. Before I could tell him what an idiot he was, the damn thing cracked and all that age reversing gas seeped out.”

“...And sent you all back to childhood??” Brass concluded, his mouth agape.

“Yup. Took me a minute to get the ventilation on, so we all got it pretty bad. I’m like, what, 16 or something? And I’m the oldest of this lot.”

Judging by the room, it would appear that Mechanica got the worst of it, returning straight to a babbling baby stage at likely a year or so old at  _ most _ .

Spring Man, Ribbon Girl, Min Min, Ninjara, and Kid Cobra all seemed to be stuck at a toddler age, waddling about all wobbly and stupid.

Twintelle, Lola, and Misango were at about pre-teen age now. They seemed to be the best behaved of the bunch, understandably. Coyle and Mummy were a little above the three of them at a kinda mid-teenage year.

And that left Helix, who was now only some bean-shaped goo ball, and the bots. Actually, where  _ were _ the bots...?

Brass felt a hand slip into his pocket. He quickly turned around to catch a shorter Springtron, draped in a leather jacket, running off with his wallet. “Wh-What the?” Brass began.

“Yeahhhh, I guess the gas works on robots too. ‘Tron didn’t get quite as young as the other Spring, but he seems to have gotten younger still. He’s in a rebel teen phase for sure. I’d keep an eye on him, if I were you.”

“I’ll have to give BYTE a report...” He muttered under his breath, wondering what was even  _ in _ his wallet.

“I doubt that’ll do much good.” Sighed Coyle, nudging Brass and nodding to a nearby corner of the room, where a decidedly more dainty looking BTYE stood.

“Hello citizen.” He greeted. His typical blue plating was now a reflective greenish yellow hue.

“Uhhh... Hi, BYTE.” Brass nodded.

“Might I help you cross the road?” The young service bot asked.

“I’m good, thanks.” Brass replied.

“Understood. Have a nice day.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty low-tier in the force at the moment I think.” Coyle shrugged. “Only programmed to help people cross the road and pick up any litter he sees.”

“What about BARQ...?”

Coyle pointed to the young Ribbon Girl, who was sat on the floor clapping in front of a small robot toy dog. “That ain’t a toy.”

“God...” Brass sighed, watching the young girl. “This is heavy. Do you think you can get everyone back to normal?” ...No response. Brass turned back to face her. “...Coyle?”

Coyle tapped her thumbs on her phone, before looking up suddenly. “...Hm? Oh, uh, yeah, I’ll find a fix soon don’t worry about it.” She went right back to her phone.

Another deep sigh. “So what do you need from  _ me _ , exactly?”

“Well.... Uhhhhhhh...” Tap tap tap. “Uhhhhhhhhhh.....” Tap tap tap. “One sec......” Tap tap tap tap tap. “...Alright, yeah, uh.” She brought her head back up again. “I just need you to watch the kids while I work. Bit of babysitting, y’know?”

“ _ That’s _ why I’m here?!” He grunted. “Why can’t you get your staff to watch ‘em?!”

She glared. “I ain’t letting them see us like this! C’mon, dude.” She scoffed loudly. “Just keep an eye on ‘em and make sure Spring Man doesn’t eat Helix. We’ve got an employee kitchen nearby, make ‘em some food and keep them out of trouble. I’ll get to work.”

Brass begrudgingly accepted his new role.


	2. Cheaper by the Fourteen of Them

“Please, Twintelle, I am  _ begging _ you.” Brass pleaded to the short and rather chubby young-Twintelle before him. “If you can look after Mechanica there’s a _chance_ I can focus my attention on _everyone else._”

“Ew, no!” She scoffed. “As  _ if _ .” She folded both her arms and her hair-ARMS, to really signify she was serious.

“_PLEASE._” Brass insisted through his teeth, already exhausted. “She’s  _ asleep _ , she doesn’t need much attention, I just need someone  _ reliable _ to keep an eye on her.”

A small hand tugged on Brass’s belt. He turned to find the young-Misango standing beside him. “I will watch the Scrapyard Child.” He offered, in a voice that sounded like he was accepting his sworn duty.

Brass turned back to Twintelle. “...Someone  _ reliable _ . Please?”

Twintelle scoffed, putting her fingers to her head in an L shape, and then putting her ARMS fingers in an L shape behind her flesh fingers. “ _ Double loser. _ ” She huffed off and left to go... Well, something that didn’t include hearing Brass’s plea.

He sighed, and moved across to another side of the room. “Mummy! Please, I need your help.”

Master Mummy, who’s teenage self was _surprisingly_ scrawny and meek looking, shrugged his shoulders apologetically. “I-I’m helping Dr. Coyle, I’m afraid. She thinks I might be able to find stuff in her research.” He lifted the stack of papers he had in his folded ARMS.

Suddenly a young Lola swooped by and smacked the stack to the floor, snorting as she quickly ran off, papers falling all over as various other children laughed at him. Mummy sighed and began to retrieve them all one-by-one.

Brass groaned, leaving Mummy to his own matters, and scanned his eyes across the room. If Twintelle won’t help, and Mummy and Coyle were busy... Well, Lola couldn’t be much trusted - not with the amount of trouble she was causing. Which meant the only one around older than a toddler who could have Mechanica left in their care was...

He turned to his side again, where Misango stood proudly.

...Okay, yeah, let’s ask one of the robots, then. Brass picked up the sleeping Mechanica and headed over to BYTE. “Hey! I need assistance.”

BYTE turned to him. “Happy to be of help.”

“I need you to look after Mechanica for me while I take care of the others.”

BYTE looked down at the sleeping baby, and though his face didn’t show any emotion, an air of confusion came from his overall demeanor. “...I do not understand.”

“I-I just need you to look after her, make sure she doesn’t get hurt, make sure she doesn’t cry...”

“...I can assist her in crossing the road. Or I can throw her into the nearest rubbish disposal system. I would be happy to assist you with either of these manners.”

...Okay, nevermind. Ugh!

Brass scanned the room again. Come on... _Come on..._ He turned his head up in thought. No... Surely that wouldn’t be a good idea, right?

Cautiously, he approached the slightly younger Springtron, who sat in the corner of the room sharpening a switchblade on an even large knife. _That’s a good sign, surely._ “...Springtron, I need your help.”

He looked up at Brass, though it was hard to know what he was thinking both due to him being a robot and due to the fact he was now in some pretty cool triangular shades.

“This is  _ Mechanica _ . You remember her, right? She’s repaired you a ton in the past, a-and she takes good care of you. She needs you to return the favour -  _ please! _ She  _ cannot _ come in harms way.” It was a desperate move - and one Brass could likely be criticized for - but he held hope.

Springtron looked at the child Brass held, then looked to the floor. “I’ll look after ‘er.” Came a surprisingly cooler version of a robotic Springman voice. “‘Lil Angel’s always looked out for number one, and I’ll return the favour for ‘er.”

Brass readied himself to pass over the sleeping baby. “And you promise she’ll come to  _ no _ harm?”

Springtron nodded. “You have my word. We ride together, we die together.”

He squinted. “...Okay, but  _ don’t die. _ Yeah?”

Another nod. Brass passed over Mechanica to him - he’d have to keep an eye on her from a distance still, but it’d be a load off his shoulders not to have to keep her in his sights at all times.

As Brass left, Springtron looked down at the little Mechanica and quietly removed something from his pocket. He folded the hinges back slowly and then carefully placed the pair of tiny baby-sized triangular shades over her sleeping eyes. Now  _ that _ was a cool baby. You’re in good hands, Mechanica.

Right! One down... Thirteen left to go. Well, he hoped that Mummy and Coyle could take care of themselves, but as for the remainder...

“BRASSSS!” Came a screech from the other side of the room. Lola was trying to kick off the tiny Spring Man, who was desperately trying to crawl up her leg. “BRASSS, HE’S TRYING TO TAKE MY TOFFEES!!!!” She had a pack of caramels in her hand, from god knows where, and it seems Spring Man was deeply interested in them. “GET HIM AWAYYYYY!! HE  _ SMELLS! _ ”

“Can’t you give him just one?” Brass sighed.

“NO!” She huffed. “THESE ARE  _ MINE! _ ”

Brass groaned, grabbing the toddler from her and putting him onto the nearby kitchen table. “I’ll make you some food, okay?”

Spring Man just slobbered on his fingers.

He turned back to the stove top behind him. Ah! He had almost forgotten the food he prepared for Min Min, which had been plated but left there to cool. It wasn’t anything fancy by any means - just some white rice with chopped carrots atop. Something Brass would find revolting on his own (no meat? Come on!) but it was more than fit for a two-year-old.

Min Min was sat at the table awaiting her food, sat on some stacked books so she’d reach the table properly, and had been since he began cooking it. Brass slid the plate in front of her and waited for her to begin... But she didn’t. She just stared at the plate unamused.

“...What? Something wrong?” He sighed.

“Wamen.” She mumbled.

“...What?”

“Wamen.”

“You want ramen?”

She gave a slight nod.

“Min Min, no, I’m not cooking you ramen. Please just eat the rice?”

She glared at him, unmoving.

“Min, we don’t even  _ have _ any ramen here.  _ Just eat the rice! _ ”

She continued to glare unhappily.

“I have  _ seen _ you eat rice before! I know you don’t just eat ramen -  _ just eat the damn rice! _ ”

Still nothing. Slowly Spring Man began to waddle over to Min Min’s plate, dropping to his knees by it and shoveling bits of rice and carrot into his mouth, making a huge mess everywhere.

Brass sighed deeply. “Okay, I guess that’s Spring Man’s meal taken care of. I’ll try to find something else for you but-” He grunted as he noticed a tiny sliver of pink from behind Min Min’s folded ARMS. He walked up to her and pinched at it, pulling it away from her. “I keep telling you not to steal this, Min! It’s  _ not yours. _ ”

He took the ribbon she had been holding and walked over to Ribbon Girl, who was still sat on the floor playing with the tiny robot doll version of BARQ. He carefully tied the ribbon back into her hair as a bow - something he did remarkably well, actually - and left her be.

He pointed back at Min Min, who was now staring at him from the kitchen table. “ _ Do. Not. Steal. _ ” And then he left to go take care of something else.

Min Min hopped down from the table and waddled over to Ribbon Girl, sitting down opposite her. Ribbon Girl smiled a dribbly smile, then pulled at her hair ribbon until it came undone, and passed it to Min Min, who once again held onto it dearly.

“Okay, what else... What else...” Brass muttered, looking around the room.

“Uh oh!” Came a voice from above.

Brass’s face fell flat and he extended his ARMS out in front of him, waiting. A tiny toddler version of Kid Cobra fell from the ceiling and landed in his ARMS.   
“Thank yew!” He smiled, before hopping out of his ARMS and running off elsewhere.  _ Sigh. _ This wasn’t going to get any easier on him, was it?


	3. Things Get Worse

Two hours passed and Brass was sat beside Misango, desperately trying to understand the basic-level maths homework they had laid out on the table. “Okay... So just imagine a bag of 20 coloured balls. Ten are red, four are green... Six are blue. What’s the ‘pro-bab-ility’ of getting a blue one?”

“One in nine.” Misango answered out of nowhere, without much thought.

“ _ No. _ ” He sighed. “...Wait, maybe? Argh! How’s this work?”

Coyle approached, still tapping away at her phone. “Yo, can you get us pizza or something?”

“Coyle,  _ please _ tell me you’re close to a cure here!” He pleaded.

“Ugh, I’m working on it! Get off my back, dude.” She glared. “What are you even doing?”

“Helping Misango with his maths homework. Kids have it  _ rough _ today, how are they supposed to understand  _ any _ of this?”

She stared at him unamused. “Misango doesn’t go to school, Brass. Why does he have homework?”

He looked up at her, without an answer. He then turned his attention to Misango, who was sat beside him.

“...Twintelle told me to do it.” He answered.

A very deep sigh came from Brass as he pushed the textbook off of the desk.  _ Forty minutes _ he had spent on that.  _ Forty. _

“Look, just order us a pizza okay?” Coyle insisted.

“...That’s not healthy.” Brass muttered back, feeling weirdly cautious for the wellbeing of these children - even if the age regression was only temporary.

“Oh,  _ now _ you care about healthy stuff? You eat like nothing but steaks, dude.” Coyle glared. “Just get off my case and get us pizza. Right everyone?” She raised her voice to the room. “Pi-zza! Pi-zza!  _ Pi-zza! _ ”

Everyone around began to chant with her, which came to a messy harmony as half the room chanted ‘Pi-zza!’ and half the room slurred ‘Pwee-sahhhh!”

“Alright, alright,  _ enough! _ ” Brass insisted. “I’ll order some pizza, but can ya keep it down? I don’t want Mechanica to wake up.”

Sprintron, in the corner of the room, continued to cradle the sleeping Mechanica in his ARMS. Her baby-sized triangular shades were now accompanied by a baby-sized leather jacket, too.

Brass sighed deeply. Meanwhile Misango, who was still sat beside him where he had been studying, received a sudden surprise as Lola’s lips pressed against his cheek.

She broke the kiss after a split second and muttered under her breath with a sly grin. “Ya got cooties now, dummy.”

Misango’s eyes spread wide open and he fell out of his chair screeching. He began to run around the room in circles. “Get it off! Get it off!” Various other children laughed at him as he passed by.

Brass pulled at his own face. “Coyle, please, you _ gotta _ help me here - this is  _ torture! _ ”

“Mmhmm.” She mumbled, tapping at her phone. “Smile bee-tee-dubs.” She quickly snapped a photo of him, exhausted and run down, with smears of carrot and rice on his chest from dealing with Spring Man. “Ha, niiiice. ‘ _ lol dumbass champ cant catch a break #BrassTheAss #WahhWahhh #FollowForMoreBrassBeingDumb @ARMSLeague @ARMSNewsWeekly’ _ anddd  _ post.” _

He grunted hard. “Can you  _ PLEASE _ go find a cure?? This is literal  _ hell _ , Coyle. Lola keeps ‘pranking’ everyone, Spring Man’s hunger doesn’t end, and I haven’t even  _ seen _ Ninjara in about an hour!”

Suddenly a tiny toddler Ninjara poofed into existence on the table in front of him, looking him dead in the eyes with a serious and commanding look, before he once again poofed away.

“HNNNNNNNNNNNGH!!!” Brass screeched.

“Just get us a pizzaaaaaaa.” Coyle groaned. “You don’t gotta be such a drama queen.” She began to walk off again, still tapping at her phone.

Brass began to hear a ringing in his ears, which was quickly replaced with  _ singing. _ “Oh god no, not  _ again... _ ”

“LET IT GOOOOOOOOOO, LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOO!” The tiny Ribbon Girl cried out at the top of her lungs, in a voice very high-pitched and hard to listen to.

“Ribbon,  _ please _ , now is not the time to be singing!” He reminded her for the fourth time.

She pouted, but agreed to stop, folding her ARMS together in a huff.

A crash came from the lowest kitchen drawer. Brass got up to look, and hurriedly pulled Kid Cobra out of there.

“Thank yew!” He chimed again, before running off. Ughhhhhhh.

Lola knelt down by the tiny Ribbon Girl. “Hey Ribs, do you know that song from Frozen? How’s that one go again?”

“LET IT GOOOOOOOOOO, LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOO!” Ribbon Girl started once again, making Brass grit his teeth.

Lola looked to the nearby Min Min, who was still sat with her ARMS around the ribbon she had been given.

“Hey Min, look!” She got Min Min’s attention and then spread her own mouth into a massive grin with her fingertips. “ _ I’m going to EAT you, Min Min! _ ”

Min Min yelped, hurriedly waddling away with tears in her eyes, occasionally falling and crawling instead.

Brass put his hands to his head as he looked around the room at the mess forming all over. There’s no way out of this, is there? It’s just going to get worse and worse and worse.

He needed to breathe. Even if he couldn’t get out of here, so long as he just take a  _ moment _ to sit down, shut his eyes, and  _ try _ and tune it all out... Maybe he’d be okay?

He pulled a chair from the kitchen table and went to sit on it, but paused as the nearby Misango shrieked at him. “YOU CAN’T SIT THERE!”

“Why not??” He pleaded.

“THE SPIRIT OF MISANGY IS SITTING THERE!”

“...You mean that spirit companion? But he’s not  _ there! _ ”

“NOOOO, MISANGY IS DIFFERENT!! HE’S A GIRAFFE MAN AND HIS FAVOURITE COLOUR IS BLUE!” Misango shouted.

The colour drained from Brass’s face. “...You have an imaginary friend?  _ YOU? _ You’re, like, 12 or something! Shouldn’t you be past that?”

Misango just glared at him.

“Ffffffine.” He grunted, going to pull a different chair.

“NOOOOOO, THAT’S WHERE MISANGU IS SITTING!!”

“Arrrrghhhh!!” Brass groaned to himself. This is  _ pointless! _ There’s no escape, there is  _ NO ESCAPE. _ Forget sitting down. He can’t afford to take a minute off anyway, there’s matters to tend to. First he-

Brass could feel a strange tickling on his back. He quickly reached behind him and pulled Spring Man away.

“What are you doing, kid?”

Spring Man dribbled on his fingers.

Brass glared at him, and reached back again - feeling around for... Ah-ha! Looks like Helix was just globbed straight onto the back of his head. Figures.

Brass put Spring Man down on the kitchen table and instructed him  _ clearly _ not to go after Helix again. He then chose to stick Helix waaaay up in the corner of the room, where he’d be out of reach.

Okay, okay, what now... What now...  _ Ah. _

Brass headed over to Twintelle, who was lounging around on her phone. “Twintelle,  _ please... _ ”

She sighed. “This is like the eighth time you’ve asked me, just go away already. Ugh.”

“You are the  _ only _ other sane person here. I can’t do this alone I-I just  _ can’t! _ ”

“Hmmm...” She pouted. “Go open the liquor cabinet first, then.”

He glared at her. “You’re a  _ child! _ ”

“I’m an adult who’s had some freaky science stuff happen to her, just get me a drink already.”

“I’m not going to do that.” He sighed. “It... It’d just look too  _ weird _ .”

She huffed. “You’re on your own, then. Loser.”

He groaned and went to turn away, but she caught his attention once again.

“Ah, you got Helix off your head, then?” She smirked.

He looked back at her, staring daggers. “Did you put him up there?”

“Nah, that was probably Lola.” She shrugged. “I didn’t even notice ‘til I saw Coyle’s tweet, though.”

“...Is she still tweeting stuff? She’s  _ supposed _ to be working!” He shouted angrily.

Twintelle extended her phone to show her timeline. By the looks of it, Coyle was tweeting comments pretty much once a minute. What gives?? Wasn’t she  _ supposed _ to be working?


	4. Fight Club for Babies

Brass marched over to Coyle, who was tapping away at her phone like usual. “How’s progress? Are you almost done?”

“Mm.” She responded simply.

“...You don’t  _ look _ like you’re working.” He grunted through his teeth.

“Godddd, get off my back already.” She bit back, rolling her eyes. “I’m taking a break. Aren’t I allowed a break? This is like the most stressful age there is.”

“You wouldn’t be  _ in _ that stressful age if you  _ found the cure _ .”

She flicked her eyes back up at him. “Can you just piss off already? You’re totally killing my chill here.”

He inhaled deeply. “Coyle. I  _ need _ you to find a cure for this. There’s no way I could-”

“Gooooo awayyyyyy.” She moaned, eyes on her phone.

“Arghhhh!!” He grunted loudly. “Alright, that’s it,  _ give me your phone! _ ”

She scoffed. “Ha!  _ No. _ Not gonna happen.”

“You wanna be a child so bad I’ll treat you like one -  _ Give. Me. Your. Phone.  _ You are  _ grounded _ until you sort this mess out.”

She glared daggers at him. “Um... You  _ do _ know you’re not in charge of me, right? If you don’t seriously piss off soon, I’ll tell the wholeeee worlddddd that the person you married only  _ just _ turned sixteen.”

He hung his mouth open in shock. “You were an  _ adult _ when we got married!”

“Don’t gotta mention that part in the headlines, though.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “Bye bye~”

Without much other way to react, he turned his back on her.  _ God _ what a pain. How the hell is any of this going to get resolved? ...Ah!

Nearby, Master Mummy was writing into a stack of papers. Seems like he was working pretty hard there - a good five or six pages in already, for sure.

Brass approached Mummy. “Master, you are my  _ saviour _ here - how far along are you to finding a cure?”

“Hm?” The mummified nerd before him looked up from his papers. “Oh, uh... Yeah I’ll look into that soon. I’m just writing some stuff for Coyle first - she wanted to know what my top five horror movies are, so I’m doing a bit of an essay on it. Currently halfway through the second entry, which is about  _ Creep From the Deep _ , a pretty unknown German film about a sea monster rising from the depths of-”

“Enough!” Brass interrupted. “ _ Please _ , you can do that  _ later _ if you want but right now we  _ really _ need to find a cure!”

“Ah, sorry... You’re having trouble with the kids, yeah? Well we could put a movie on for them if you want. That could calm them down!” Mummy got up and went to the nearby shelf, where various movies from the ARMS Lab staff were stacked left-to-right. “They’ve got  _ Terror of the Clownmen _ here. That’s gotta be in my top ten, at least!”

Brass looked at him like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “We are  _ not  _ putting a HORROR MOVIE on for a bunch of children!”

Lola, nearby, heard this commotion and began to chant to the others. “Movie! Movie!  _ Movie! _ ” Before long, everyone was following her in tandem.

“NO!” Brass shouted to them all. “We are  _ not _ watching a movie! The only stuff they have here is horror flicks and medical dramas. There’s nothing any of you would enjoy here.”

“The clown one sounded fun.” Lola shrugged.

“I wabba watch Fwozen!” Ribbon Girl dribbled.

Brass’s head pounded. “I just want everyone to  _ behave _ .” He grunted, before suddenly seeing Kid Cobra from the corner of his eye. He had somehow gotten up to the light fixture on the other side of the room, and was in the process of slipping off.  _ Not again! _

Without time to run across the room, Brass instead chose to uncoil his ARMS and catch Kid Cobra from afar. He gently put him down on the ground and retracted his ARMS again.

...Uh? What the...? Why were all the children staring at him so wide-eyed?

“Yikes, shouldn’t have done that...” Coyle mumbled from her phone.

Huh? Shouldn’t have done what? He just used his ARMS to-

Suddenly the toddler Ribbon Girl uncoiled her ARMS and grabbed the toy BARQ from across the room, bringing it closer to her so she could hug it.

The toddler Kid Cobra seemed to recognise his ARMS ability at the same time, and he extended his ARMS over to Min Min, snatching back Ribbon Girl’s Ribbon instantly, which sent her into an angry wailing.

ARMS began to fly all over as they all at once remembered they had them. A fight broke out between Min Min and Kid Cobra. Ninjara suddenly poofed into place on one of the kitchen chairs, causing Misango to screech at him, and attempt to start a fight between them too. Lola used her ARMS to drabbled empty candy wrappers around BYTE, leading him in a never ending circle of rubbish pick-up. Somewhere in the corner, Spring Man extended an ARM up and snatched Helix back, instantly putting him straight into his mouth.

Total. Chaos.

Brass stood and watched, wide eyed as it all fell apart before him. Punches began being thrown - some at Brass, even, which felt rather remarkably hard considering he was used to fighting their adult selves. Children do tend to have very little self restraint, though.

Amongst all the comotion, an ARM swung past Brass and smacked squarely into Springtron, who was doing his best to shield Mechanica. The knock was enough to wake her, however, and she began to cry in a heavy wail.

Springtron’s back straightened. He looked at the room and targeted the child responsible for waking her... Min Min. Without warning he suddenly struck an ARM out, grabbed her by the neck, swung his ARM up and-

“SPRINGTRON, NO!” Brass screeched, terror in his eyes.

Springtron slammed Min Min down to the ground, echoing a sickening crack around the room as she suddenly became limp.

Brass ran over to her immediately, picking her up and looking over her. His lip quivered as his heart broke in his chest, as he looked over the-

His heart stopped. Mechanical wiring and shards of metal struck out from the gash in her head. No blood, no mussel... Just machine.

A voice came into the room from over the intercom. “Well done Brass, ya got one of ‘em killed.” Coyle chimed from above. “That’s a failure there. Ah well -  _ test over. _ ”

He stood motionless, still cradling the strange toddle Min Min robot, as all of the other children in the room immediately fell limp and clanged to the floor.

From behind a nearby one-way wall, Coyle stood with a clipboard in her hands and Mechanica by her side. “ARMS News Weekly lists Brass as being ‘Most Likely to be a Good Father’...  _ Incorrect. _ ” She scratched her conclusion on the page.

“Um...” Mechanica began nervously from beside her, having watched the whole display with less of a gleeful look on her face than Coyle had had. “Doesn’t this just prove he’d only be a bad father if he had to take care of fourteen children who already had the ARMS ability...? And some of them are robots? And-”

“Look, kid, what’s the first rule of the ARMS Lab?” She interrupted.

“Um... The focus must always be on the betterment of ARMS, understanding of ARMS, or research of ARMS?”

“Oh, yeah, right.” She remembered. “Okay, well, what’s the second one?”

Mechanica sighed slightly. “...If it inconveniences Max Brass, it’s a valid experiment.”

“Good girl!” Coyle smiled. “Whelp, go gather the remaining machinery bits. Can’t let them go to waste. All that Helix-Goo Mk. 8 is probably not gonna go back to its good form though, so just throw all the fake skin out.”

Coyle pressed the button for the intercom again.

“You can go home, Brass.”

He continued to remain where he was, kneeling with an inactive toddler Min Min bot in his hands, as he just stared into the distance.

_ Damn it, Coyle. _


End file.
